Fall.

I stand here between you

And the edge of a cliff

Holding the beauty that is

Your heart

Out before me

With a loving grip

Showing you that it

Is safe with me

But if you desire me to

Return it, I can

Loosen my grasp

And allow you to

Hold both my heart and

Yours recklessly

As you tend to do.

Beneath this cliff that

You’ve pushed me closer

To is reality

One that I’ve refused to

Confront for as long as

Possible for it is

A long fall just to

Crash through broken promises that are

Softened with ‘I love you’s

And ‘my heart belongs to you’s

Being destroyed as you allow

Your body to belong to someone else

But what is even more

Frightening is the fact

That at the end of this fall

There aren’t even lies

Other women

Or betrayal to

Sugarcoat and ease

My landing.

There is nothing.

So I stand here before you

Tear stained and broken

Begging you for one

Last chance to prove to you

That I can be even more gentle

With your heart that I never broke

Just as I promised.

You look me in the eye and

Without any love or compassion

Tell me that I am still the girl

That holds your heart

Slowly walking toward me while

Extending your arms

and what little remains of my heart

jumps and beats vigorously

in my chest as I step toward you

hoping that there would be some

warmth in this empty embrace.

But then you whisper

‘but you are not the one’

And your extended arms

Push me over the edge

As you try to grab your heart

From my hands.

I continue to hold it close

As I plunge past ‘I love you’ lies

And ‘we’ll be together forever’s

And I somehow find a

Split second to place it gently

Between ‘will you marry me?’

And ‘it was just a drunk hook up,

She means nothing to me’

Hoping that it would be safe

For I would never allow something

So beautiful to collide with a

Black heap of nothingness

Where it could get lost

Or cold or dirty.

As it rests there

I continue my fall

Passing every memory of

How happy we were

And how sad we were

And most of all

How perfect I thought we were.

I plummet closer and closer to the end

My tears passing me as I fly by with

You flashing before my eyes

As I prepare myself for

The lonely drop into nowhere.

I hit the ground

Terrified of the loudness

of silence

And open my eyes to see

You in front of me

And a cliff behind me

As you tell me that everything is okay

And that I am safe

Leaving me wondering

If I am jumping off

Of this cliff on my own

By believing that you

Are any different

Than you were before

Or that this jump back into love

Will be any less painful

Than tiptoeing on the

Line between an embrace

And being pushed

And forced to fall all by myself

After you promised to protect me.

I inch closer to you

Wondering how your heart is back

In my hands

I run toward you knowing you

Will just shove me off again

But you pull me in

Hold me and kiss me

And tell me how glad you are

That we’re okay again,

Charming me just enough

To lower my guard

While you laugh a little

And push me over the edge again.

I thought I was prepared this time

But you poked holes

In my parachute

And peered over the edge

Shrugged and walk away

As you begin to flash before my eyes again

During this beautiful

Disgusting

Perfect

Devastating

Fall into nowhere

And everywhere.

I gave my every effort to

Take flight

And to love you hard enough

To make you pull me closer

Rather than push me over the edge.

For you told me that you had faith in

A perfect love

And that this perfection

Was in me.

And I had faith in you,

In us, 

In our love.

So I am stuck here

Falling

Hoping that this time

You’ll be there to catch me,

Because this is the eighth cliff

That you’ve pushed me off of

And I don’t know how well

I can continue to protect

You and your heart

For I am weak

And my reflexes are shaky

And I am not sure I will

Be able to open my eyes

If you aren’t there this time

To break my fall.